WOULDA, COULDA, SHOULDA!
Zachary placed his head in his lap and wept. I wrapped my arm around him and whispered-"I Love you."
We had just spent two hours visiting his brother Ben in the hospital before heading to Mass-where the pent up emotions came pouring out. Zack who will be 11 in a few days and his 12 year old brother Jacob, are worried about Ben...Zack told me it's scary seeing him so skinny...and he wondered out loud, "Is he closer to life-or to death?" I cringed at the question..."Life and Love and all the limitless possibilities that God has to offer," I reassured him. Jake thought out loud-"I wonder what is going to happen to Zack and me." "First you, then Johnny, then Mackie and now Ben." I searched for the right words. "I don't think anything is going to happen--but if it does," I said, "We will have the tools and the wisdom to deal with it...and I'll be there for you-every step of the way. Besides-look how well your brothers and I are doing!"
Psychology 101 never prepares us for the emotional facts of life. But life-sure throws us some major learning curves.
In the last 12 months we have been in and out of hospitals, in front of counselors and on our knees in front of the Blessed Sacrament, seeking the strength and the courage to face the future with hope in our heavy hearts and gratitude for the unknown blessings already on their way.
Like any good mom-I often think of what "I woulda, coulda, shoulda" done...to better protect my children...To save them from the soul wrenching pain that steals the innocence from their lives. But deep inside I know-It is what it is...and that's where my focus needs to be.
So, I tell my children the best defense is a strong offense...An open mind, a willing heart and an expectant faith. I urge them to talk to me with unceasing, unbridled, unabashed honesty...about their feelings and their fears--because their failure to communicate candidly, can leave them feeling trapped--inside their worst nightmares.
I'm a talker...no one will argue with that. Sometimes my conversations are like television interviews because I ask so many questions and I'm always trying to get to the soul of the story. But I've learned it's good therapy...talking and sharing and honestly opening yourself up to another human being...who just may surprise you--with a solution that will save your life.
I am so proud that my five sons are becoming so honestly open...I am touched by their willingness to share their deepest feelings...and for their perseverance amid the stress...and their unity amid the separation. Tested by fire, they are walking through the flames of resistance with an honest humility that is teaching them the true essence of life while revealing to the rest of us, the true essence of their spirit.
And believe me-theirs are mind blowing spirits!
We had just spent two hours visiting his brother Ben in the hospital before heading to Mass-where the pent up emotions came pouring out. Zack who will be 11 in a few days and his 12 year old brother Jacob, are worried about Ben...Zack told me it's scary seeing him so skinny...and he wondered out loud, "Is he closer to life-or to death?" I cringed at the question..."Life and Love and all the limitless possibilities that God has to offer," I reassured him. Jake thought out loud-"I wonder what is going to happen to Zack and me." "First you, then Johnny, then Mackie and now Ben." I searched for the right words. "I don't think anything is going to happen--but if it does," I said, "We will have the tools and the wisdom to deal with it...and I'll be there for you-every step of the way. Besides-look how well your brothers and I are doing!"
Psychology 101 never prepares us for the emotional facts of life. But life-sure throws us some major learning curves.
In the last 12 months we have been in and out of hospitals, in front of counselors and on our knees in front of the Blessed Sacrament, seeking the strength and the courage to face the future with hope in our heavy hearts and gratitude for the unknown blessings already on their way.
Like any good mom-I often think of what "I woulda, coulda, shoulda" done...to better protect my children...To save them from the soul wrenching pain that steals the innocence from their lives. But deep inside I know-It is what it is...and that's where my focus needs to be.
So, I tell my children the best defense is a strong offense...An open mind, a willing heart and an expectant faith. I urge them to talk to me with unceasing, unbridled, unabashed honesty...about their feelings and their fears--because their failure to communicate candidly, can leave them feeling trapped--inside their worst nightmares.
I'm a talker...no one will argue with that. Sometimes my conversations are like television interviews because I ask so many questions and I'm always trying to get to the soul of the story. But I've learned it's good therapy...talking and sharing and honestly opening yourself up to another human being...who just may surprise you--with a solution that will save your life.
I am so proud that my five sons are becoming so honestly open...I am touched by their willingness to share their deepest feelings...and for their perseverance amid the stress...and their unity amid the separation. Tested by fire, they are walking through the flames of resistance with an honest humility that is teaching them the true essence of life while revealing to the rest of us, the true essence of their spirit.
And believe me-theirs are mind blowing spirits!
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