WHO'S AFRAID OF ANGER?

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Anger is probably the least understood emotion...and the one we're afraid to deal with the most.

On a re-run of Sex and the City, Charlotte tells her friends that she and her husband are in control. "Trey and I don't yell, we're Wasps." Next thing you know they're screaming angrily at each other...releasing months of pent up pain and frustration over not being able to conceive a baby. Their anger camouflaged the heartbreaking truth...Charlotte wanted a child, Trey did not. Eventually, they part ways--peacefully--because they could no longer pretend that they were on the same page. Facing the truth, they faced their pain which put their anger into proper perspective.

Righteous anger...Someone stole my car anger...The kind of healthy anger that helps us separate good from bad...That's a natural emotion that no one can deny and which is healthy to feel. But-that uncomfortable anger that eats at our insides, causing us to fly off the handle, exploding emotions everywhere-That's the kind of self destructive energy that breaks the spirit and scars the soul. Anger may be the antagonist, but it is ancillary to the very real underlying issues...that never go away-until we meet them-head on.

My good friend Terri has taught me, that behind the anger there is either fear or pain. Fear of being hurt or disappointed...fear of not being good enough...the pain of loss or rejection...the pain of unresolved wounds...The list goes on. The longer we bury that anger...the more it churns inside, until it spews out like buck shot--hitting and hurting the ones we Love the most.

Now Charlotte and Trey-like good Wasps-calmed their jets and jettisoned a solution they both could live with...albeit separate and apart. They dealt with their dilemma, diffused the anger and left determined to live a happier, peaceful life...And in TV land they did. Real life isn't always that easy.

In the spirit of a true military man, Colin Powell once said, "Get mad, then get over it." I'd like to add...Get rid of the resentments and the anger disappears. So face it, feel it and move on-from the madness!

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