She's Smiling Now
I have a friend, who has a new boyfriend. who makes her smile. She has been lonely for love for a very long time. Her relationships have come and gone, but none of them have ever really filled the empty void within. Her husband died of cancer a couple of years ago...and she has been struggling to find herself ...to find the peace she desperately craves.
I think about my friend as I examine my own life. I remember a time in the not so distant past, when I felt lonely-lonely in love. I used to fill the void with people, things, activities and finally alcohol. But not anymore. I don't know when it happened or how-but I am finally at peace...finally comfortable with my own company. I've done a ton of heartwrenching, soul searching work on myself...fine tuned the squeeky parts and streamlined the snags that used to catch me in a slew of co-dependent relationships. I was never fully at peace because I had not made peace with myself. I did not have a clear understanding or acceptance of who I really am...I had become bogged down in images, demands and the scintillating merry go round of life. That left me lost and feeling abandoned and alone...even in a crowded room.
Getting to the core of who I am-getting back to the basics hasn't been a cakewalk. But it's been worth every scary reflection in the mirror-every heartpounding memory from the past...Because I've learned from personal experience, that- whether we face ourselves or not...somewhere in the deep recesses of our subconscious-the unresolved imprint of our negative experiences-our conditioned beliefs about ourselves -are waiting---and silently taunting us into believing that we are unloveable...unworthy of the fullness of life-with or without a partner.
I don't believe you can ever really love anyone fully..until you learn to love yourself completely. Not until you have come full circle- to the full recognition and acceptance that your life is a well designed gift-sent from the heavens to join in this dance of energy, light and love that we call humanity. I have learned there is a difference in needing someone and wanting them. Need is filled with all kinds of insecurities and demands...wanting-for me-is the desire to be with someone, but the willingness to let go when it's not working, because maybe what I want isn't good for me or for someone else... and so in the end- holding on is self serving and downright selfish.
In the final analysis-coming to terms with ourselves, being good to ourselves, learning to love ourselves is the first step toward a healthy, grounded, loving relationship with someone else...a lasting, lifetime loyalty.
My friend is smiling and giddy and feeling pampered and loved...my prayer for her is that whether or not this relationship is grounded in the gift of true love that so many couples share--that she will stand steady in her own beauty and charm and wit...and that she will learn to smile at her own reflection-- with or without a boyfriend.
I think about my friend as I examine my own life. I remember a time in the not so distant past, when I felt lonely-lonely in love. I used to fill the void with people, things, activities and finally alcohol. But not anymore. I don't know when it happened or how-but I am finally at peace...finally comfortable with my own company. I've done a ton of heartwrenching, soul searching work on myself...fine tuned the squeeky parts and streamlined the snags that used to catch me in a slew of co-dependent relationships. I was never fully at peace because I had not made peace with myself. I did not have a clear understanding or acceptance of who I really am...I had become bogged down in images, demands and the scintillating merry go round of life. That left me lost and feeling abandoned and alone...even in a crowded room.
Getting to the core of who I am-getting back to the basics hasn't been a cakewalk. But it's been worth every scary reflection in the mirror-every heartpounding memory from the past...Because I've learned from personal experience, that- whether we face ourselves or not...somewhere in the deep recesses of our subconscious-the unresolved imprint of our negative experiences-our conditioned beliefs about ourselves -are waiting---and silently taunting us into believing that we are unloveable...unworthy of the fullness of life-with or without a partner.
I don't believe you can ever really love anyone fully..until you learn to love yourself completely. Not until you have come full circle- to the full recognition and acceptance that your life is a well designed gift-sent from the heavens to join in this dance of energy, light and love that we call humanity. I have learned there is a difference in needing someone and wanting them. Need is filled with all kinds of insecurities and demands...wanting-for me-is the desire to be with someone, but the willingness to let go when it's not working, because maybe what I want isn't good for me or for someone else... and so in the end- holding on is self serving and downright selfish.
In the final analysis-coming to terms with ourselves, being good to ourselves, learning to love ourselves is the first step toward a healthy, grounded, loving relationship with someone else...a lasting, lifetime loyalty.
My friend is smiling and giddy and feeling pampered and loved...my prayer for her is that whether or not this relationship is grounded in the gift of true love that so many couples share--that she will stand steady in her own beauty and charm and wit...and that she will learn to smile at her own reflection-- with or without a boyfriend.
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