Hope and Redemption

My girlfriend Helene is very brave. She is dating a man with cancer. She questioned her motives this week. Wondered why she would put herself through this-again. Helene's husband died of cancer--after 18 grueling years of pain, and pity and putdowns. The cancer changed him, changed her and changed their life as a couple. He was hard on himself and hard on her. But she surrendered her needs to his...because she loved him. Plain and simple.

Helene says she really likes this man. He's kind to her, appreciates her and is grateful for her companionship. In return, he makes her smile, makes her laugh and respects her feelings. She says maybe this is her calling--to take care of people with cancer...to carress them with love...to let them know -that they are important to someone...to give them hope and the healing that comes with knowing that their life-lived well, is a gift, to themselves and to others.
I think she's right.

We celebrated his recovery the other evening -at dinner. His scan showed he is cancer free...six years after the chemo and the radiation and the debilitating worry that sent him into depression. The cancer was hard enough to face, but then two years ago, his wife passed away suddenly...and he lost hope -all over again. Helene singlehandedly changed that... giving him a new lease on life-a new outlook...an appreciation for the small things in life-that are really the big things.

Illness can bring a miraculous change...if you let it...The mysteries of the mind are unlocked...revealing a depth and a scope of understanding --that most humans take a lifetime to learn. My own mother experienced an awakening. Battling breast cancer for years, she had time on her hands to think about her life...her loves... her lessons. This stoic, independent German woman called me from her home in Florida one morning...and hesitatingly shared an overhwhelming experience...She had felt the intensity of the prayers people were sending her way from all over the world. She could feel the energy of their intentions...and the loving communication directed on her behalf to the heavens. She said it was an amazing experience. Another time she woke up in the middle of the night and saw a young blonde haired girl, wearing a long white gown and carrying a bouquet of flowers standing in her bedroom doorway. The next instant she was gone. But she knew heaven was preparing her...for something bigger than she understood...for whatever challenges lay ahead. Those experiences were signs of wonders waiting on the other side of here...and reminders that through it all--we are never alone---and that we are being carried by divine love.

My father, a military man, surpised us all....caring for my mom, his wife, in a manner we had never witnessed growing up. Cuddling her, consoling her until she crossed over into eternity. Sometimes the worse challenges, bring out the best in us...Lifting us to a higher level of courage and kindness than we ever thought we were capeable of.

Yes, my good friend Helene is very brave...and yes, I think she's right...she's been given a rare gift to look beyond the illness, to the soul within...She's giving hope and receiving it in return...
and sometimes that's all we need to turn our lives around...and someone elses.

St. Rose of Lima once said, "apart from the cross there is no other ladder, by which we may get to heaven." .....As far as I'm concerned, sometimes through the cross, we get a little piece of heaven--right here on earth.

If you or anyone you know is carrying the cross of illness and it's too much to bear...or maybe it's become a gift...write me....tell me your story of grace and suffering-hope and redemption. Remember, someone cares...