TAKING INVENTORY!

I don't know what the Universe is trying to tell me...but it can't be good. Well...maybe it is, but I just don't want to hear about it--right now. I'm too busy, really busy taking my children's inventory, like a good mom. So why do I have to stare at myself in the mirror? The one in my bathroom that my firstborn cracked while filming a mini movie for college. (I wonder if he gets the seven years of bad luck or me?) How many times do I have to take my personal inventory?...When will it ever end?!...NEVER that's when!

See-that's exactly why we have to do this-now!

In recovery, which by the way, lasts a lifetime...How's that for fun?! There's this sneaky little step number four that rears it's nosey head when you least expect it...and then just when you've maneuvered through the mine fields, just when you thought you'd escaped the explosions, it reappears in step ten... And then it comes full circle and here we are again...at step four...which eventually leads to step ten...and-you get the picture.

That's all I've been hearing about this week...at every meeting...Looking within...finding what makes you tick...reviewing our personality defects...or to put it nicely-our personality maladies--somehow, Eckhart Tolle and Oprah make it sound special...Vogue even...

This, however, sounds like more work...and a repeat performance of a bad run...But today, it suddenly dawned on me-dizzy me...It's the fourth month-April...the fourth tradition, the fourth step...what else did I expect?

So this is the way I figure it...just do it...like Nike says, just do it...I own plenty of Nike tennis shoes so I'm dressed for the part...but doing it means running the race to the finish line and who knows how long that will take---FOREVER--that's how long...until Eternity comes a'calling! And who knows what kind of program they have set up-up there. From the people I've interviewed-there's more learning...higher knowledge...rising to new heights...What fun!

It's really not that bad...boldly going where no one wants to go-including me...stepping into that vast mixed up mind terrain that is my emotional inheritance. In fact, over the last few years, I've learned some pretty cool things about myself, while shaking loose, some really awful habits.

I think the shrinks call it..."LEARNED BEHAVIOR".

As we read the words outloud...I cringed...fear, frustration, depression...insecure, isolation, selfish, self centered, ego driven, strong willed, stubborn....ya da ya da ya da...the list goes on...Who were they talking about? ME-ALL OF US...I mean really, if you're really honest...and that's what his program is all about...Honesty...a whole galaxy of emotional martians are roaming around inside of our heads, ready to launch an attack of the naughty behavior that gets us into trouble every single time we open our mouths even when we don't know it.

Recovery is really about being the best you can be, by believing there are some tiny little flaws in our personalities that need work...a little tweaking and toning and muscle flexing...to strengthen that beautiful mind, while rewiring and reconnecting it to that happy heart muscle.

In fact, last night I had the brilliant idea of copying this chapter and sending it to a few select individuals who are not in the program...but who could use a little eye opener...a swift kick in the derriere.

BUT-there I go again...taking someone else's inventory...a cardinal sin in this program...and God knows-really he knows, I have enough sins of my own to confess to myself and to others...which will hopefully make me so tired of hearing them that I just decide to stop the backsliding and move forward onto that super highway of saintly sinners who are always "bettering themselves" so they can help others-kind of like Mother Teresa.

It's a thought...a long shot, but a nice thought...Keep coming back!