THE CRUCIFIXION: DYING TO SELF!

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In 2007 the Easter season turned surprisingly personal as I experienced firsthand the process of dying to self through a very painful crucifixion.

The turning point came when members of my spiritual family betrayed me.

Their rejection and subsequent persecution seared my soul with excruciating intensity. Their bold lies and lack of compassion for my young children left me questioning everything I believed about my Catholic family.

I stopped going to church. For two weeks I couldn’t bear the thought of walking into a Catholic church, so on Easter Sunday my sons and I huddled together next to a lake reading scripture from the Bible and asking the Lord for his direction.

My heart was bleeding.

Still-I loved the Lord and he loved me...and somehow that love gave me the strength to throw myself at his mercy inside the Blessed Sacrament Chapel at St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church.

“What do you want me to do now?” I cried out. My sons and I had been through the ringer, tested by fire…and now this. “What do you want me to do now?!”

“Do not let them take you from me!” I heard those words as clearly as I have ever heard anything! And in that one split second that followed, I opened my heart to Jesus and made the decision to plant both feet firmly in front of him-once and for all.

For most of my life I had split myself between God and family, work and the world and with devastating consequences. Not anymore!

I went to confession, returned to weekly Mass which turned into daily mass and daily adoration and regular healing services and prayer groups where women of great faith prayed the rosary and before I knew it, I was no longer the walking dead.

The disciplined rhythm of my prayer life began to resuscitate me as the Lord breathed a refreshing spirit of truth into my entire being. My reality had shifted.

Over time I have come to understand that I had to lose everything in my broken life that was not the will of God, in order to gain the authentic life that he had designed for me from the very beginning. There would be no place in my new world for fake friends or foolish antics or missions that are masterminded by a darkness that is waiting to destroy even the best of intentions.

As I picked up the tools of my Catholic faith with childlike abandon, Jesus picked me up and carried me along the painful, yet illuminative path of crucifixion. And with my cooperation, he gained control of my broken heart as he purged me of the poisons that had penetrated my life.

God truly raised me from the dead; he restored my confidence and trust; he sanctified my desires and intentions and he guided me ever so gently into a sanctuary of indescribable joy and unending hope!

John 3:16

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”

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Unknown said…
Your telling my story.....
May 06, 2015
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